If she takes off her pants, I'm outta here!

Cracked-out things always happen right when it's time to close.

A woman came in with her friend, about fifteen minutes before I joined Mel Gibson in battle-crying FREEDOM.

Crazy Lady was a regular, showing her friend around, and I was like, fine dude, whatever. I can get them in and out in no time, because I'm awesome like that.

I am not awesome.

Granted, a sane person would have been long gone by the time "It's Closing Time" started playing, but this woman was not sane.

There's a demonstration we do in the store, involving hand washing. On occasion, we'll get an old man who thinks he's funnier than he is, that suggests stripping down, and we laugh it off.

This woman didn't suggest.

I turned my back for one second, and Crazy Lady was taking off her shoes, climbing up on the counter, and trying to wash her feet.

Understandably, I flipped a little.

Not enough to offend, but definitely enough to express how not cool this whole business was. I hate feet.

So instead of apologizing, she demands a bowl so she can go sit down in a chair and finish the job.

Normally, I would have said no, and mumbled more than a "We don't really do that..." but she'd thrown me off my game so severely, that I just gave her what her crazy butt desired.

So she washed her feet, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Ew.

There was some product creation nonsense that I can't get into in here without getting sued, but yeah, suffice it to say, I was ready for her to go when it was time.

They rang up, and both praised me for how willing I was to stay open almost an hour later than normal (my acting skills are golden, let me tell you), and how helpful I was.

That's just peachy. Get the hell out.

Then they started talking about wanting to throw a party in the store (which we do) and having us come around like Mary Kay chicks to various places (which we don't).

Get OUT.

Walked them to the door, tried to close the door (and bolt, and solder, and weld it shut), but she blocked me, talking about the weather and where they were going for dinner, and how much fun my job seemed.

Oh, and how she thought we should carry a personal cleaning product. Like Vagisill or whatever it is.

Oh my ever-loving God EW.

I've never wanted to throw a customer out before, and I'm pretty sure that if I'm here when she comes back, I'm going to pretend to faint so I don't have to deal with her.

People are insane.